4 Things NOT To Say While SEXTING

When you start dating afresh, you’ll feel the tinglies at the silliest of places. Some might mistaken it for the feeling called ‘LOVE’, which is not true! Sometimes that tingle can be on the tip of the PENIS. “What should I do now?”, just WANK! But how can I wank fantasizing Scarlett when I’ve Shristi on the text who is waiting to be BBC (Asian Version). So, you begin your quest to lure her into the trap of lust. When she falls for it, what’s next?

You don’t need to read Mills and Boons or 50 Shades of Grey to be good at sexting, all you need is a boner and patience cuz girls won’t COME easy. So, here are 4 Things for guys to ‘NOT’ to say while SEXTING –

  • “I’ll make you cum before you know it”  –

WHOA! Calm down kid! Where is the romance in that? You need to take things slow at first. You seriously don’t want her to cum first and leaving you all alone with nothing but a boner.

  • “Send me your video of pleasuring yourself” –

Tucked in her cute pink panty, caressing the clit while sexting is already enough work! If you demand a video of pleasuring herself, she will have to get up, put on the lights and then she will look in the mirror and see that if she is shaved or not! That’s already to much of work! Don’t you dare force her to do things, else she’ll turn out your worst nightmare – Lorena Bobbitt!

  • “I’m 9 Inch” –

Don’t say things that aren’t actually true! We all know how long it can go considering you’re an Asian. Don’t boast about things that are going to make you buy ‘Increase the size of your Penis by 6 CM’ product off the web.

  • Quotes from Fifty Shades of Grey –

Girls take that shit seriously! Mr. Grey is portrayed as billionaire who is eventually good at the art of seducing and there is you still living with your parents. He adorns a good six packs, perfectly trimmed facial features and can take her on a personalized trip in a helicopter. What can you do except wanking to Mia Khalifa’s my first inter-racial?

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A Night in the Fall

“His palms are sweaty, knees weak, arms are heavy

There’s stain on his sweater already, mom’s spaghetti

 He’s nervous, but on the surface he looks calm

 and ready to drop bombs,

But he keeps on forgetting what he bore down,

The whole crowd goes so loud”

That explains the lot what went down last night. A beautiful nightmare if I may say –heavy breathing, sweaty palms, lying uneven gasping for the last hint of air in the room adorns the time. A soul needs to wonder in the wake of an awakening – be it spiritual or mental.

A ride to hell seems like the best option available in that moment. Painful but pleasurable I may sum up this sensation. With each passing second my knees are wearing out, moans are getting loud as if someone is sucking the soul outta me. But somehow I won’t introduce this feeling as a Devil’s work nor do I sense any Dementor in the house.

The gate to the hell is in sight. I resisted at first, still want to explore what it looks like from inside. (WANDERLUST) My body bore a heavy weight, shivering went down from the spine to legs, “just a step away” I said to myself. As soon as I opened the door, it splashed and divulges the watery wrath on the micro-bacteria that resides on the cotton.

Open my eyes and look at the great mess that I’ve nonchalantly created. This is what happens when your girlfriend left you for some other guy. Erections are hard to come by and so does future prospects. Your forearm may have loosened up but your will to bone Maria Sharapova is still there.